Staying on Track After Adding a New Baby
If you are either prepping for or are in the early days of adjusting to a fresh baby at home, CONGRATULATIONS!
And congrats again on getting your older child sleeping well, both for naps and bedtime! You are absolutely killing the parenting game.
But now that you are getting home and settled, you may be worried about your new arrival causing a sleep regression for your older child. Will they still continue taking those precious naps and sleeping through the night? You are naturally depending on that predictability & rest time during this major transitional stage!
The full, transparent truth: you might be in for a challenge.
Now it’s not 100% guaranteed by any means, BUT bringing a new baby home is very likely going to have an impact on your older child’s sleep habits in one way or another, and there are two main reasons why:
1) Your newborn is going to wake numerous times, both day and night, making noise, which can wake your other child
2) Your older child is going to be jealous of their new sibling
Let’s dive into the first one. There is definitely going to be a noise factor when your newborn wakes up crying. There is not much we can do about that – newborn babies cry. Sometimes a lot! But your best bet here (if possible) is to keep your newborn in your room at night and your toddler in their own room, in a crib preferably, hopefully down the hall a bit.
And yes, I did mention in a crib. Depending on how old your older child is, it may be wise to keep them in a crib during the acclimation period of getting used to their new sibling (as long as it is safe to keep them there).
A white noise machine can be very helpful to drown out noise. Try to keep the volume under 85 dBA and keep the machine a minimum of 1 ft away from your little one’s ears. The goal of course is to keep your older child from being woken by outside sounds during naps and nighttime.
Depending on their age and comprehension ability, it’s also a great idea to prepare your older child about the fact that they may hear the baby crying sometimes, but they don’t need to worry about it. It’s something that babies do and they don’t need to be concerned if they wake up and hear their sibling fussing, mommy/daddy will take care of it! That’s the easier one of the two.
Number two takes a little more finesse.
Unless you are extremely lucky, your older child is going to get jealous of their new sibling. Newborn babies require a ton of attention, attention that was previously given to your toddler up until their new brother or sister came home.
Jealousy is likely going to contribute to a regression on some level, prompting your older child to crave some of the previous comforts they enjoyed like:
· Requests for more cuddles
· If they’re in a big kid bed, asking for their crib back
· Wanting to sleep in your bed or your room
· Extra neediness and clinginess during the bedtime routine
The most common reason this affects sleep is due to one or both parents feeling some guilt about the fact that they don’t have the time or energy to dedicate to both children. To compensate, we make a few concessions, and those concessions frequently show up around sleep times: extra stories, longer cuddles, laying with them until they fall asleep, etc.
As a parent myself, I 100% understand and relate. Parental guilt is an incredibly powerful motivator, and we’ll do almost anything to make sure our kids know how much we love them and want them to feel secure. If a few extra stories at bedtime let’s them know they’re still #1 in our heart, why wouldn’t we bend the rules for a bit?
As an answer, here is one of my favorite quotes about toddlers: “Toddlers are like little night watchmen. They go around checking all the doors, but don’t really want to find any of them open.”
Kids this age are designed to test boundaries by nature. They don’t test them in the hopes that we’ll give in, they test them to ensure those boundaries stay firmly in place. It provides a sense of security to know that the rules and expectations surrounding them are predictable and constant.
It may not feel that way, but I can assure you that the more your give into demands, the more they will ask for them, and escalate in the manner they do so. It can reach the point where your toddler older child may feel like they are running the show, which actually can feel very distressing for them. Knowing their parents are the ones in control will provide security and confidence!
So if and when this situation comes up, my best advice is to keep everything about their sleep routine exactly the same as it was before their new sibling arrived- same bedtime, same routine, same number of stories, same sleeping conditions, same nap rules, etc. If you begin moving boundaries, it’s going to reinforce your child’s suspicion that things have changed which can increase their insecurity.
But during the day is a fantastic time to carve out some special 1:1 time reserved strictly for your older child. It doesn’t need to be long, but 10-15 minutes with attention focused solely on them is the goal. Let them decide what you guys will do and then freely smother them with your love and attention. This special “you & me” time works wonders in reassuring them that they are still at the center of your universe even if that space is now shared sometimes with someone else.
And remember, when that parental guilt starts creeping in when you refuse to bend to their will and they are throwing an epic tantrum: you are not being a bad parent. You are doing what’s best for them, which is sticking to your rules and staying firm, which is the secret to a happy, secure, firmly attached child. Even if it doesn’t feel like it in that moment.
Making those tough calls for the sake of your child is what being an awesome parent is all about. Stay strong! And if your family isn’t getting the sleep you need, I’m here to help.
Sleep well!
