What “Sleep Training” Means to Me
Sleep training is a phrase that can strike fear and cause division among parents. But I want to discuss how I positively view sleep training so it’s not something scary, awful, or seemingly impossible. To me, sleep training is not crying it out and leaving your child unattended for long periods of time.
Sleep is unique and complex for each individual. However, there are 5 components to healthy sleep for anyone: duration, naps, consolidation, timing of sleep, and regularity. These are all important and all must in balance to achieve quality sleep! I define sleep training as doing everything in your power to set your child up for success to learn how to fall asleep independently through managing each component of healthy sleep and then allowing them the opportunity to practice this essential skill. When children are given the opportunity to practice and strengthen the skill of independent sleep, I encourage parents to remain present, supportive, and encouraging! Parents are like training wheels - they are needed in the beginning, but as your child practices and gains confidence and skills they can be removed.
When I help families with sleep training, we work together to create a customized plan that fits their family and child appropriately regarding all 5 components of healthy sleep. The first step of the plan is a crash course in sleep education. Educating parents on the science of sleep and the “whys” behind their current sleep difficulties is crucial because it provides them with the understanding and confidence to make the changes necessary allowing everyone to get restful sleep again. I will never ask parents to do anything they are not comfortable with. Once we have a plan in place, consistency is the focus moving forward. I provide guidance, troubleshooting, and support along the way to reduce veering off course.
Being consistent as much as possible is the quickest and most effective way to teach your child to sleep and minimize protesting. Intermittent reinforcement is when rewards are occasionally given for a behavior. Lack of consistency encourages the same behavior to continue because we are seeking that inconsistent reward. This is why gambling is so effective! Sometimes we win, so we keep playing to increase our chances of winning again. Infants and children will protest to get their reward – whether it’s attention, snuggles, not going to bed, or candy at the grocery store.
I have been in your shoes. I have felt that deep exhaustion, hopelessness, and frustration surrounding sleep. Now that I am on the other side, I can tell you that teaching your child to sleep is hard work, but the payoff is absolutely worth it in the end! You will never regret bringing quality sleep back to your family. Let’s put the fear of sleep training aside and start on a plan that works for you!
